Good afternoon everyone, I hate you all. Really, you are making write this post with a pounding headache. That is just not nice, but happy Hangover Day anyways! In celebration, and in part because everyone will be walking around like zombies. I would like to list a few tips that I personally would live by during the zombie apocalypse. These aren't normal tips, like run, or don't get eaten (That's a good one!), these are actually useful. You will thank me later.
1. Find A Weapon
This one is painfully obvious, but until it happens you would never believe how many people lack samurai swords in their houses. What neanderthals, but if you are one of them, look for something long and sharp, or something heavy like an axe.
2. Go to Mc. Donalds!
Obviously, a big mac is the last thing on your mind when undead creatures are trying to eat your brains. This fatty food haven has a couple things that will be important for your early zombie free zone. They have food safe sanitizer by the box full. You basically use this in water, and you can wipe down your area for a semi clean environment. They also have bleach packets for more heavy duty cleaning, but don't use this on a wound! Before you leave, make sure you grab a few things from the med kit, and grab as many non perishable food items as you can. Mostly water I would assume.
If you plan to have a zombie free zone, you need to have electricity. You can't run off gas forever, so to run your flood lights, and your sirens and electric stoves. You need to be able to generate CLEAN energy! Now obviously, you cannot pull a solar panel out of your ass, but a simpler method, would be to take a ceiling fan or one of those cheap white floor fans, and strip it to its bones. If you didn't already know, an electric engine can also be used to generate electricity if you can turn it.
After you strip it down, throw it on a pole with a swivel on it and you should be able to power a toaster. Obviously the bigger the electric motor, the more electricity it outputs, but its also harder to turn so you need more wind with larger propellers. So get a shit ton of these hooked up to a battery with a regulator, and you will be good to go! You also will need an AC to DC converter box. Or you will blow all your lights.
4. The finer things
After you get your fences built, you deserve a little break. I do not mean your entire camp, you can take shifts. But it's time to get drunk! And obviously, after a few months of zombies, alcohol would be hard to find. But that doesn't mean you can't make it! Two things you will always have enough of, honey and water! One of the easiest alcohols to make is MEAD. It is a delicious concoction of honey, water, your choice of fruits, and yeast.
How to make a gallon of a light mead: Boil one gallon of water, add 1-2 pounds of honey and let incorporate. after you have stirred it thoroughly, grab your large container that has been sterilized see number 2 and fill it with this honey liquid. Then, you need to cover the top of that bottle, and start your yeast. You start yeast by getting warm water in a small container, like a shot glass or a double shot, and pour the yeast in and stir. Let that sit for a little bit and start to put your fruit in the container with the honey water. Once the honey water has cooled down, you can add the yeast. stir it up a bit and then let it sit. For the small amount of honey, it should only take a month or two to finish, but you will have delicious drank to help you forget about your probable doom.
5. Be a good person
The funny thing about this one, is everybody already knows it. Be kind to as many people as possible. (Don't be a pushover) If you have room for more people in your camp and you see a family walking around, invite them in!
This rule also applies to them! If any or all of them have been bitten and haven't changed yet, don't put yourself around people. If you do, you are a frikkin butthole! Share your last cigarette, share some of that mead, because sharing makes the world a better place for everyone! Except the zombies.
Now it is time to get my possibly still drunk behind off my website! Check this shiz out!
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